ConfusedNoLonger.com - Tuesday 11/01/10

Returned to Lammas yesterday evening around 17:30.
Our stay with Emmas parents was prolonged due to a relay of recurring illness. If I felt better, Emma felt worse and vice versa. This happened daily, even now, although hopefully I'm recovered and Emma is fighting off the remnants.
Before we left I asked Emma to check our car insurance, as I knew it was up for renewal soon. Sooner than I thought. It had expired a month earlier than I'd anticipated, 23/12/10 to be exact. A fair few illegal and uninsured journeys had been made since then.
This presented a real issue. Our premium had effectively doubled from £460 per year to £880 odd. We couldn't afford that, not even monthly.
The silver lining of this cloud might come in my solution. Why not buy a days insurance? We rarely use the car as it is (in comparison to most) and we could stand to save £500-£1000 a year, more if you factor in fuel and wear and tear. The tricky part could be when it comes to tax it, but aside from that, it makes sense. Days we do buy insurance, we'll cram in as much as humanly possible in shopping, treats etc. Seems win-win at this moment in time.
Despite the hiccups, we're now settling back in. True to our word, we did a massive shop before leaving Stroud and its actually that which consumed most of our unpacking time.
Picked up my proof copy of A Diary Of A Warless Warrior. Noticed a typo on the rear cover and first entry. My fault for working on it when tired.
Since returning we've been greeted by rain. So much in fact, the hardstanding the caravan is sited on is partially flooded, the latrine trench is close to overflowing and the ground is saturated. The gloominess of the days hasn't helped motivation levels, nor the batteries. Have had little choice other than to remain inside and read. Extremely frustrating when there is so much I can be myself with outside.

The new cat stable...

M Jones

Changing the Game - Monday 08/11/10

A game changing day. Emma had been feeling 'off' for the past few days. Being past her sell by date and having inclinations towards incubation, we took a trip to Crymych at 09:00 to get a pregnancy test.

The result was "Pregnant 3+"

A flurry of text messaging to random folk and an emergency meeting with Ayres and Marianne. Frances took it upon herself to spill the beans before we had a chance, and subsequently faced Emma's wrath.
A serious talk about the whole thing brought forth many ideas and potential possibilities, the main one being to consult Paul and Hoppi. Paul knows the ins and outs of both the planning and the leasehold agreements. therefore is it even feasible for Lammas to absorb another family? It was only designed and got permission for nine. We are looking for long term stability along the lines of 2-5 years. This being the case, i simply don't feel Lammas is the place. We do have an offer from another plotholder that would grants us that, but to accept this would fly in the face of rules and policies. As always one can manipulate such things but its definitely not a practice i wish to engage in.
Here's the truth. We have no right to be here. To remain beyond Spring would tread on toes and upset people we've come to hold dear, and whose generosity has known no bounds thus far. Once more i am writing lists of options and at this moment in time, here they are;

1) Remain in or near Lammas. kits plot verbally guaranteed for two years. Possibility of more living space in the form of a static caravan. Other options and possibilities could evolve from this, but mindful of aforementioned factors.

2) Tipi Valley. Plenty of experience in residents r.e. Homebirths. Poor access to lower valley - emergencies. Ideally a yurt to live in. Would entail logistics moving our life and home. Would be guaranteed for as many years as we'd require. We have visited and know people there.

3) Join a different community. Tinkers Bubble? Would be an unknown unless we used the time we have to make prior visits.

4) Go back home. Ideally rent/buy/get permission to reside on land in a caravan or yurt. Alot of unknowns.

5) Sell out and return to the system be it in Wales or back in Stroud. For me, the least desirable of all. Benefits could be seen as wide and numerous, but at a vast cost spiritually, morally and financially.

6) Squat on land. Extremely unstable. Many variables and unknowns. One important disadvantage, we'd be on our own...

7) Buy our own land. a big ask financially. would require major help from family. Unlikely in probability and unlikely to be finalised in time frame.

8) Wait and see...

Listing is useful. But inconclusive. Will follow option 8 for now. I feel immense pressure to properly lead this family, and lead it well. Its bewildering and overwhelming now. One realisation is that, at this point, nothing has changed. The considerations, yes. But as those who've read previously will know, the options haven't really changed. I've created a mental pressure that has left my stomach knotted and mind exhausted.
If anything, this news has become a catalyst.
Will have to ransom this grandchild if money is the answer.
Hopefully a good hour of football tonight will help clear this over active brain.


M Jones

Barley shoots growing from a bale weighting our awning down.

Mushrooms... Unmagical ones...

Poor And Loving It -Tuesday 21/09/10

All this machinery means just one man can maintain and harvest this huge forest.

Round two. One man down, so with Charlie and Ritchie no the receiving end i fed the logs through on my own. Right up until 14:30 when the machine broke down. Left at 16:45 making it a 7 hour day. Stopped off at Glandy Cross to pick up some bits after visiting Charlies partner, who, incidentally is working on a farm due to be taken over and run by the owners of Ruskin Mill in Stroud!
Have been offered another day, possibly two of work, but i have turned it down. Partly will welcome the change of pace, plus helping Ayres on the building, is what i'm here to do and this week we have some volunteers to help.
Plus i am fully aware that should i start bringing in money, we'll find things to spend it on. Am currently enjoying not spending by virtue of not having anything to spend!

M Jones